Slogan Twenty-five

Don’t talk about injured limbs.

From the Lojong for the Layperson booklet:

          Imagine a soldier who recently returned from combat with a missing a leg – would we even consider looking down on him because of his injury? Likewise there is an injury behind every fault or shortcoming. Our focused attention on the faults of another person is not an effective tool of healing. Exposing his or her weakness only discloses our own deficiencies. Such thoughts also produce worry about what others think of us, and we become wary instead of open. Though we don’t need to pretend everything is okay, we can meet and accept the “injured” as they are with kindness and warmth. Instead of making derogatory comments, we can approach them as equals (as we are imperfect too) and offer encouragement.

Photo: Round holes in a redbud leaf made by leafcutter bees.

            Several years ago I was reading a book called Stone Age Wisdom by Tom Crockett. One of the exercises he suggested was finding a large stone, about the size of a flattened grapefruit, and using it as a reminder not to speak negatively for three days. Specifically, it was to be carried everywhere and used as a touchstone to remind me not to talk in a disparaging, judgmental or critical way about anyone. Now I was a little embarrassed about carrying my stone around at first, because I thought people would think I was some kind of nut who had a pet rock. But it turned out I was going to be more embarrassed about something else – all the negative talk that wanted to come out of my mouth. I was shocked at how much I wanted to join in gossip, make “funny” comments about someone, or prove how much “better” I was than another person. I also noticed a tendency to label people in unattractive ways to distinguish them from another person, such as “Crazy Tony” versus another acquaintance with the same name, “Nurse Tony.” Regardless of whether it was done purposefully or ignorantly, it was a wake-up call that showed me just how unkind I can be.